Taking brave steps to schedule the appointment
For the first time in months, I felt like, “...maybe I could do this." Maybe I could seek help for my sexual health.
These next few posts will primarily focus on my story leading up to my diagnosis.
The more I Googled “pelvic floor therapy,” the more anxious I became. I learned that the pelvic floor contains muscles that support the reproductive tract. So there was bound to be exams done vaginally. And I was not a fan of these types of exams.
I had my first pelvic exam/pap smear (and breast exam) as a 17-year-old. My doctor prescribed birth control pills to treat acne, so a full physical with pelvic exam/pap smear was required for the prescription. I was not ready.
The pelvic exam/pap smear was the most excruciating pain I had ever endured in my young life. On top of that, it didn’t help that I was an anxious teenager lying on an exam table half-naked with my legs in stirrups and a doctor staring at my va-jay-jay. My mom held my hand during the exam, but I couldn’t stop squirming or crying uncontrollably.
Since then, I haven’t been able to have a pelvic exam/pap smear without a lot of pain, so I avoided them as long as I could.
(Photo by charlesdeluvio/Unsplash)
In addition to being evaluated for pelvic floor therapy, my doctor wanted me to start seeing a gynecologist as I became sexually active, making me anxious for obvious reasons.
It took me months to schedule my first appointments as I thought back to my shaking teenage self.
But the longer I waited, the sadder I got.
I wanted to have penetrative sex with my husband. I wanted to experience that level of intimacy with him. I wanted to feel like a “normal” woman. On top of that, I began to feel like a bad Christian wife because I couldn’t do “my wifely duties” and make my man happy in the way I believed I was supposed to. (In a later post, we’ll talk about some of the problematic teachings I was exposed to and how I have been coming to understand and embrace sex the way God actually wants me to see it and enjoy it.) I wanted to know what was wrong down there and what could help me.
So my mental health therapist helped me take the brave steps forward. She encouraged me to seek a gynecologist and a pelvic floor therapist who would listen to me and understand my concerns, even if I had to look at a couple of different practitioners until I found the right one.
So one day, I got brave and called the pelvic floor therapy office. I peppered the receptionist with all kinds of questions. “Do I need to take the day off from work for this appointment?” “Will it hurt a lot?”
He was very helpful and started to give me some peace of mind. For the first time in months, I felt like, “...Maybe I could do this.” Maybe, I could seek help for my health and sexuality.
ODDS & ENDS:
(Occasionally, I will write a blurb or two here unrelated to the main post, but hopefully, they provide useful insights or resources for you!)
I’m currently reading “The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended” by Sheila Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach and Joanna Sawatsky. This book came out during my pelvic floor therapy journey. My pelvic floor therapist, a Christian, who grew up in the purity culture and battled vaginismus, recommended I read it. I look forward to reviewing it and sharing my thoughts in a later post!